WARNING: If you are squeamish, you probably should not look at the pics in this blog.
I finally went back to church after a month off trying to heal from some surgery. It was a minor spot of basil cell cancer on my forehead next to my hairline. I expected some minor pain and a couple of stitches and back to normal in a week or so. This is not what happened!
It has been 5 weeks as of tomorrow and while I had hoped to go back to church or any other place for that matter without my head bandaged, the scar is still too raw and not quite closed all the way.
As far as scars go, I've seen worse, a lot worse on others but I'm not exactly the most patient person when it comes to expectations that I put on myself. This is not going to be a whine fest because I feel GREAT!
I just can't do everything I want to do yet which includes bending over. Seriously, I don't think we have any idea how often we bend during any given day to pick something up off the floor - to get clothes out of the dryer - to file papers in the bottom drawer - to pick up a child or grandchild. The list is tremendous.
I'm also waiting to get that "really cute hair cut for older women" that will cover my forehead with feathery bangs. Hey, one is never too ancient to not care about how they look. (Well, when one goes out somewhere anyway :))
The MOHS surgery center was terrific! Professional, made sure that I didn't feel anything while they were whacking away at my head, made sure they got all the cancer. I highly recommend this place. HOWEVER, I still cannot feel the top of my head on one side, probably from nerve damage because I'm pretty sure that the nerve block and shots wore off a long time ago. Even that is okay.
The incision itself with its 100 plus stitches is "looking" pretty good but baby if you barely touch it or heaven forbid poke on it, the pain is still intensely awful. But as long as it just sits there untouched, it doesn't hurt.
Isn't that how many of our hurts which leave scars on our hearts and mind are? We are okay and learn to live with those things which have caused us tremendous pain but if something or someone gets past the numbness and pokes the pain directly, it still hurts.
While this thing on my head will heal fully in one to two years, I'm told, there are some scars that may never heal.
We all have them. A significant other that leaves us or betrays our trust with another person, the loss of a child or spouse or other very close person. Situations that leave us with PTSD or being diagnosed with something that leaves us reeling for a while. We all have this in common. LIFE HURTS.
The idea that time heals all things is a false one - it doesn't. The further you are removed from whatever hurt you so much may numb that pain for a while but again, let something poke deep enough and it still hurts terribly. Maybe not as long and maybe not as intensely, but time does NOT heal all wounds.
God does not heal all things either. However, what He chooses not to heal either physically or mentally or emotionally, He comforts and equips you to have joy and peace even in this life. Oh, complete healing comes eventually but not always this side of heaven.
My wonderful sister and I were having the best conversation this past week and reminiscing about some of the horrors that we have experienced in life and as people often do, we wondered why. Then, we both smiled the biggest smile because we both have realized something.
All the whys we have about the whats in this life will disappear and mean nothing when we stand with Jesus in heaven. Our conversation took us on a joy-ride of how wonderful to be with the ONE whose glory is so magnificent that nothing, nothing, nothing in this life will matter anymore. As the song says, "I can only imagine!"
I'm sorry for whatever pain that you are going through right now. I can genuinely sympathize with just about anything and I would not be kind if I minimized your suffering or told you trite things like "God will not give you more than you can bear." That is not true either.
I can honestly feel for you, love you and tell you about a person who will never leave you or forsake you; one who wants to be your burden bearer; one who loves you with an everlasting love; one who stands with open arms literally asking those who are weary to come to Him. I don't know how anyone can handle what can happen in this life without Him.
Hurts are heavy, wouldn't you like to rest?
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